Found It

looking around cornere

I have spent the past two years searching for My Thing through this blog.  I think I may have found it.

In hindsight, it was pretty much staring me in the face the whole time.  Yup, I know.  I can be a bit thick sometimes.  So while I may never write the great Canadian novel, I think it’s safe to say that my creative outlet is putting pen to paper.  Or perhaps fingertips to iPad would be more appropriate.

There I said it.  I love to write.

Some of the most satisfying moments in the past months have been the ones just after hitting the publish button.  It’s an odd rush of “Yes, I’m done” and “Wow, I finished another one”.  It’s interesting to see how my writing style changed over the months.  My first couple of posts were pretty wordy and involved long descriptive paragraphs.  The later ones are a bit more choppy.  I’m not sure if it’s just how my thought process changed or if realized that it was just easier for people to read it that way.  Whatever the reason, I have enjoyed every minute.

But I’m not going to lie.  I have wished, more than a few times, that more people read my posts.  That’s when my most trusted adviser gently reminded me, that wasn’t why I was writing.  I was writing to explore my life and express myself.  (Ya, I know, sometimes I expressed myself a little too much)  But it felt good.  It felt right.  So I kept doing it.

Oddly enough, since having this epiphany about writing being my thing, I’ve been stuck with no ideas and nothing flowing in my head.  I started numerous post but never got past the first sentence.  Panic started to set in.  What was happening?

Some would call it writers block.  I call it damned annoying.

And worst of all, I just couldn’t figure out why.  It was infuriating and caused hours, perhaps days, of gut wrenching soul searching.  (Okay, a bit of an exaggeration). I tried to work through it by spending some time drinking wine in Whistler and heading out for numerous runs. Trying to nudge the process along.  I was willing to do whatever it took.  I’m dedicated that way.

But then I remembered that this was something else that I’ve learnt these past two years.

Everything comes when it’s supposed to.  And it did.

I realized that the time I have spent with friends and acquaintances in the past two years learning about them, and in turn me, has been enlightening and rewarding.  Not to mention a lot of fun.  I’ve seen what it means to be passionate about something.  Truly passionate. I’ve been given advice and I’ve give some out myself.  I’ve rekindled friendships that had faded and realized that people I hardly knew were wicked interesting.  Despite already being middle aged I’ve grown up.

But here’s the kicker.  Now that I’ve come to this momentous conclusion, I’m  feeling like I need a change. Don’t worry, I’m still interested in exploring the Best Things in Life.  I just think that it may look a little different.

I’m not exactly sure how…..but that’s the Best Thing in Life.  You don’t always know what’s around the corner.

 

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To Sleep or…….

zzz's

Lately I’ve had a bit of a love hate relationship with sleep.

If I knew that each night I could snuggle in under my duvet and fall into a deep restful sleep I would love it.  But I can’t.  So I hate it.

Sleep is such an amazing thing.  It’s healing and rejuvenating and just plain enjoyable.  Beautiful really.  And, in theory, it’s dead easy.

Lie down.  Close eyes.  Sleep.  Done.  Not always.

So why is that each night I lay down, tired out from a busy day, close my eyes and….nothing?  I toss and turn searching for the ultimate position that will send me of to lala land.  Wrapping the covers around me tightly like a baby works sometimes.  When it doesn’t, I try lying on my back.  Then my left side.  Then my right side.  Then in a desperate attempt I flop onto my stomach.  Ughh.

not sleeping

It seem like once I am in bed the world’s problems descend with a thud onto my pillow.  Along with my nine pound cat.  (but that’s a story for a different day)  All the things that have been pushed back into the corners of my mind during the day, creep out of the darkness and start circling.  Taking turns bombarding me with issues that can’t be solved.  And just when one is done pecking my brain, another swoops in to takes a turn at keeping me awake.

Then there’s the whole sweating thing.  It goes like this.

Wake up drenched in sweat.

Throw covers off.

Wait approximately thirty seconds.

Start shivering.

Pull covers back over head and attempt to get back to sleep.

Every freakin night.

I know I’m not the only one but really?  We can’t find a way to stop this?

So if sleeping sucks so much for me right now, why do it?  Maybe I should just make the best of a bad situation.  Most adults sleep 8 – 9 hours a night.  Think of all the things things that I could do with that time instead of tossing and turning and thinking and sweating.

  • Eight loads of laundry.  Washed, dried and folded.
  • Run a long way.  Depending on how strong I’m feeling and if I’m running on the street or the trail I’d guess somewhere between 30 to 40 km.
  • Read a book.  A whole book.  Without interruptions.
  • Bake.  Cookies, squares, a cake, healthy granola bars.  Whatever Pinterest can throw at me.  And I would nail it.
  • Sort all of my digital pictures and finally, once and for all, make books out of them.
  • Spend time with my mom.  Although she would probably be sleeping so that might not work out so well.
  • Clean out the garage.  No, like totally clean it out.  Everything.
  • Watch House of Cards and re-wind it every time I don’t understand what they said or what the political implications are.
  • Write a blog and post it in the middle of the night.

What would you do with an extra few hours a day?

The Best Thing in Life is to sleep.  But if you can’t, there are endless possibilities.