As I was having tea with my dad this morning he casually mentioned that he was going out to lunch today with a friend. My mom died a little over two months ago so I was glad that he was staying busy and being social. What I didn’t realize (at first) was that his lunch date was with a woman.
“What? With who? Where? Today? What?”
Okay, so I may have over reacted just a tad.
Turns out his “lunch date” was with a dear friend who lost her husband a few years ago. She’s a very sweet lady whom I chatted with at my parents summer party this past June. She has a grand daughter the same age as my daughter and we hoped maybe they could meet up one day.
Still, it felt a bit odd.
Would I want my spouse to be going out for lunch with another woman that soon after I died? I don’t know. I like to think that I would be. Really, it’s just a casual lunch right? Why shouldn’t he enjoy the rest of his life?
As I drive home I thought….”I bet they spend the whole time talking about how much they miss their spouses.”
Yes, it’s that time of year again. Valentines Day is just around the corner. Little kids at school are preparing their paper valentines. Young women are hoping (or praying) that this is the year they get that sparkly ring on their finger. And guys everywhere are still talking about the Super Bowl.
Love is so many different things to people that I don’t feel that it can be shoved into one Hallmark holiday day each year. Love is different for everyone because it is personal and cultural and familiar and personal. Yes, I said personal twice.
Love is crazy and calm
Love is hard and soft
Love is scary and comforting
Love is warm and cold
Love is physical and emotional
Love is color and love is black and white
This is my love. These pictures were taken seven years ago but the feelings they evoke in me are so strong that every time I look at them my heart gets all mushy and I need to hold my breath.
My daughter was about eleven months old so my son must have been almost twelve. Babies, both of them. My husband and I had been married for seven years. Four of which we had spent living 3000 miles apart.
So much has happened since then. I’ve learnt and grown with these three humans right beside me. It’s been ugly and it’s been beautiful. Often on the same day.
Love is family
Love is memories
Love is growing together
Love is learning from each other.
Love is never having to say you’re sorry but saying it anyway.
The pictures say so much. My sweet sensitive son. My crazy adventurous daughter. My thoughtful handsome husband.
The Best Thing in Life is Love. Mushy, hold your breath love.
I think that Noah had it right when he marched those animals on to the ark two by two. And not just for the obvious reasons.
Some animals like turtle doves, swans and wolves hook up for life.
Given the numbers, I’m sure there were some tense moments on the ark. Even the best of partners, given extended time in close quarters, will start to rattle each other’s cages. Good thing it was a relatively large boat. But how would they have felt if they had made the trip solo? Lonely, unsatisfied and a bit of a third wheel as all the other animals would be with their mates. Sure it would be fun for a while. Footloose and fancy free on a trip at sea. But soon they may have found themselves wanting some company. Maybe just somebody to sit and share some hay with.
Some animals like dolphins and Bonobo monkeys only come together occasionally.
Bonobo monkeys, for example, are amongst a handful of animals (including humans) that have sex recreationally and for social purposes. I have this image of a large hairy monkey coming onto the ark on his own and siding up to the bar trying to buy the llama a drink. Hey, we don’t know maybe the ark had a bar. We just don’t know. Anyway, I would imagine the monkey would have found it pretty hard to find somebody he was compatible with on that wet journey. Not to mention that pretty much everybody already had a buddy to buy them a drink. Although, being that type of monkey, maybe he was okay with it. Some are.
I have realized this week that I am not like that monkey.
I am a fairly strong independent women and I am used to being on my own a fair bit, but I need a partner and I’m not afraid to admit it. My husband has been working on a huge event and I am immensely proud of him but it has meant that he has been away much more than he has been home in the last six months. It’s not just that I miss him. It’s more than that. This last while I have felt restless and discombobulated. Like something just wasn’t quite right.
I would have been happy to go on Noah’s little cruise so long as I had a partner. I would not want to go through life as a solo traveler. I like having somebody to laugh with, argue with and cuddle with. I like knowing that I don’t have to make decisions on my own. I am happy that I have somebody to share my hay with. Yes, both kinds of hay.
Is it human nature? Or are some people more like the monkey than the turtle doves? Which are you?