January 15, 2017

I like I think I could have been a good dancer. I think if I’d been given an opportunity I could have.

As I watched my daughter in her studio showcase today I couldn’t help but wonder. What if?

What if my mom had put me in dance classes? What if I had been able to express myself through dance and music? I was pretty good at gymnastics so what if I could have been good at dance too?

My daughter clearly loves to dance. She would rather dance than do just about anything. She dances while she watches tv. She dances while she brushed her teeth. She dances when nobody is watching and when every body is watching. She is pretty good too.

What if I had had the chance to dance?

And then I remember that a week ago I fell walking down a two foot snow bank and landed on my face. The Best Thing in Life is wondering what if…….

What if…..

Somebody asked me a question last night. Why didn’t you move to Memphis? I gave my standard response and moved on. Later that night I thought about it a bit more. What if we had moved to Memphis? Our lives would be so different. I’m happier now that I have been in years. How did I get here?  What if my life had been different?

What if I had found out about the affair before my first wedding? We wouldn’t have gotten married. Boy would that have made my mom and dad happy.

What if I we hadn’t gotten married? I wouldn’t have an eighteen year old son who surprises and confounds me almost daily. That would have been one of the biggest losses in my life.

What if we had stayed together? Oh good god that’s a scary thought….no matter how you look at it.

What if I hadn’t lost my job and taken that temp position? I wouldn’t have met my husband? Where I sat on the bus to Seattle, where I sat in the bar, where I sat at the basketball game….would all be irrelevant.

What if we had actually bid on that house on Orlohma Drive? And got it? We wouldn’t have had the opportunity to look at the house we live in. And what if we’d never had the second chance to buy it? I love this house.

What if we HAD moved to Memphis? We would live a very different life than we do now. Would I have big southern hair? Would I say y’all a lot and drink mint juleps?

What if we had stuck with our decision not to have any more kids? Duh? We wouldn’t be a complete family. Thank god for that trip to Disneyworld. I’m pretty sure that’s when my husband decided that we needed some sugar and spice in our family.

What if I hadn’t continued to run?  To stay in shape and be active?  I wouldn’t get to enjoy all my backyard has to offer.  Running the trails of Mt Seymour is a privilege and a joy.

What if I didn’t like going to the park? I wouldn’t have met the amazing women I now call my friends and their equally spirited daughters. What would life be like without their constant whirlwind of activity?

What if my husband had taken that job in the valley and not chosen to work for himself? Sure we would have avoided a bit of debt, but how happy would he be? It’s been a tough go but sometimes it’s better to look at the long range picture.

What if I had decided to continue to work instead of focusing on my family? For starters I wouldn’t be writing this post. Pretty sure I’d have more grey hairs and empty wine bottles. Hard to say at this point but I’m pretty sure it was one of my better decisions.

What if I had chosen to ignore how crappy I always felt and just chalked to up to old age? Sure, I would still be enjoying all the yummy (albeit bad for you) foods that I used to eat, but I’m happy I have the support and knowledge of great friends (again) that got me through to the others side.

Life has taken some twists and turns in the past twenty years. I wouldn’t change one of them. They got me here. To a happy Saturday afternoon in my kitchen, listening to music and watching my daughter do handstands in the back yard. The Best Thing in Life is……..living it.